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| anger management |
Anger is a difficult feeling to deal with. Some people have the innate ability to review and discuss problems for a positive resolution. However, some lack control over their anger which impedes success in everyday life. This uncontrollable personality trait can lead to loss of jobs, loss of close relationships, and general unhappiness.
One of the biggest issues surrounding uncontrollable anger is poor communication skills. The person is unable to resolve problems in an effective way because they don't know how to discuss and work out the situation with the person they are angry with. Anger will be bottled up inside, until it finally explodes with verbal abuse or violent physical act. Upsetting words and actions from people does not need to be tolerated. There are steps to take to properly communicate your anger.
Tip #1: State Everything in "I" Instead of "You"
This is a strategy that is effective and can be learned. When communicating your anger state how you feel, not what the other person has done. For example, say "I feel very bad and embarrassed whenever you yell at me in front of our friends" instead of "You should not yell at me in front of our friends". If you choose this approach, the person you are talking to will not focus on the single fact that you are angry and acting crazy. He will focus on the fact that what he did made you feel bad. If the conversation goes well, it will definitely end with an apology.
Tip #2: Learn to Listen
Your need to talk should be equal to your need to listen. No matter how mad you are, always try to listen to their side of the story and put yourself in their shoes. Remember that communication is not only expressing what you feel but also taking into consideration what others feel. Furthermore, empathize with the person you are talking to. Make them feel that you want everything to be well for the both of you and that you understand his side.
Tip #3: Negotiation
Many conflicts are left unresolved because of poor skills in compromising. Negotiating how both parties can meet in the middle is important. If you can learn to give a little, then both sides will feel like they have each received a bit of what they were looking for. Compromising is often the only way to satisfy both sides of the argument and find a resolution. It may not be exactly what you want but will do a good job of getting you there eventually.
To deepen your education in controlling your temper, taking anger management classes is highly suggested. Quality courses designed by a licensed, practicing anger management specialist can be found online. Web-based classes give you the freedom to take them any time of the day or night without having to leave the comfort of your own home. You will learn tips on how to manage your anger, what to do when you feel like you are going to explode, and how to implement new skills into your everyday life. Taking the classes online in a more relaxed atmosphere is conducive to a successful outcome.
Ari Novick, Ph.D. is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Anger Management Professional and trainer. He has a Bachelors degree in English Literature from the University of California at Santa Barbara; a Masters degree in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University; and a Ph.D in Clinical Psychology from the California Graduate Institute.
Dr. Ari Novick is a practicing psychotherapist in Laguna Beach, California. He provides world class Anger Management Classes Online as well as weekly anger classes in his office.
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